Self Help Theory is fine, but...
There’s no shortage of self help books out there and many are really, really good. So why bother with a Counsellor? Can’t you just work this stuff out by yourself?
Personally, I’m a massive advocate of self help books, I’ve read loads over the years. But give two people the same book and they’ll each get something completely different from it… not a complete picture then. So let’s consider this…
Self Help Theory is great, theory gets us… somewhere!
You can read a single book and have your mind bursting with new ideas and concepts. I’m all for it! And all those amazing and often beautiful self-help work-books are amazing at getting us to open up. We start journalling, changing our routines, meditating, upping our self care and bringing more positivity into our lives through affirmations… and then somehow, it sort of peters out, you find it slipping, or not quite fulfilling… am I right?
What we often seem to forget is that what works for one person, may not work in the same way, or at all, for someone else. Looking beyond the surface, we can also start to see that what brought a person to where they are now, a lifetime of experience, circumstance, environment, opportunity, hardship, loss… you name it, that is what forms the makeup of our life script and our identity. We are all so infinitely unique that our own personal stories require a degree of in-depth understanding that can only be achieved in a wholly organic environment. There’s no blueprint to a happy life and there’s no system or steps that are going to align our hopes and dreams. We can work at understanding what CAN be done… and then we need to work at HOW it gets done.
When you bounce off that new positive habit, or something comes along to disturb your pattern and you give up or can’t seem to find the energy to get back on it, it’s important to recognise that perhaps your need for self understanding goes deeper.
The danger is to start thinking you can't be understood, or you can't understand yourself, or you're too complicated, or... dare I say it... too complex? Theory gives off the impression that the offered solution works for everyone, especially if it’s rolling off the back of a New York Times Best Seller, or is number one in self help books on Amazon. For the record, I LOVED a lot of those books for giving me concepts. Solutions, I had to work at with another human being by my side, 1:1.
Think of Self Help materials as the science behind the art.
If you think about it in creative terms, and human beings are all creative beings capable of the most amazing expressions of self, all the singing and music writing theory in the world won't ever produce the heartfelt melodies and lyrics of a musical masterpiece. For that, you've got to take all that amazing theory and put it into practice. You are channeling a sense of who you are through your creation. The very same is true for self development and self compassion. You’re essentially trying to create a new mindset or new understanding by intuitively weaving thoughts, feelings and emotions into a beautiful new tapestry. This isn’t academic, it’s art!
It’s often been said that the best Counsellors would make very good poets and you can see why. Our qualifications are often in the arts, not the sciences. Mine certainly are.
The same is true for the "you" stuff. Self-help materials gave you an amazing amount of self-awareness, the science of self understanding if you life, and you've started something fantastic. But when you start to lose focus, or interest, or enthusiasm, or anything else... know that it's not you. You've reached a point in your awareness that maybe needs to be shared, to be explored, to be held, to be felt, created, expressed...
Counsellors are pretty great space holders, "containers" for the exploration of your thoughts and feelings. If you've already begun work on some self-help stuff, great! You're ahead! What a fantastic platform to build from. Perhaps together we can maintain that momentum and make the theory count for something greater in you as a human being bursting with creative potential!
With warmth,
James