What's my first Counselling session like?

Apprehension surrounding a first Counselling Session is something a lot of people experience. What’s it like? What do I say? How will I feel? Will I cry? Will there be long periods of silence?

I’m happy to say that invariably my clients share that their first Counselling Session is warm, friendly, welcoming, helpful and they leave with a renewed sense of hope. Here’s some info which I hope you find helpful in describing how that first Session goes…

It's only natural to wonder what happens in your first counselling session.

And it will differ from practitioner to practice...

You might have been considering Counselling for some time and finally taken the first big step, or perhaps you’ve had some Counselling in the past and it was great, or not so great, or maybe you’re feeling anxious about saying the right things, or articulating what you feel in a way that can be understood… or maybe something else entirely! I’m not sure that any two people will ever have the same thoughts going in to their first Counselling Session.

My role as a caring helper is to do my best to help put you at ease. I prize values such as a welcoming friendly face and atmosphere, creature comforts where you can feel “at home”, easy, free parking, good directions and robust communication. I realise that this is a big step for you and nerves are flying everywhere. The very least I can do is make everything as plain, simple and easy to understand as humanly possible. That’s one, two, three, ten less things to have to worry about. I get that!

So here’s some detail of my Counselling Practice, what to expect when you come to see me in your first Session as a client.

Perhaps this is something of a comfort as we dispel some of the mystery!

We are all unique and therefore actually share something in common! It's what makes us different that enables us to come together in these spaces. As your Counsellor I strive to be everything I would love in my own personal Counselling. I celebrate the fact that we’re different, that makes us interesting to each other. We both share a common goal and that is some form of change, or ability to cope, or improve some aspect of YOUR life. So whilst we already understand that we’re both coming in to this knowing very little about the other, and that in itself can be a little scary at first, the simple fact that we both care about the same thing gives us an immediate common ground from which to begin. You’re no doubt ready to talk and I’m absolutely ready to listen. We are in sync right from the very first moment of connection. I personally find that very comforting.

Perhaps you're looking to get started right away and get stuck into the deep stuff... years of bottled up emotion and suppressed feelings are wanting out and with the space to finally be heard, there’s nothing that’s going to stop it now. Brilliant! You have given yourself this opportunity and you deserve to experience it freely in the manner in which you feel you need. What a catharsis! Maybe you want to share how angry you feel, or how depressed, how hurt, how lonely, how self conscious or worried you are. All are welcome and this is your space to let it out.

Or maybe you're looking to explore and test the dynamic of the new relationship that's being created in these moments... you feel that trust is something not so freely given, and it takes time to build. That’s fine too! Your first Counselling Session is an opportunity to reflect on trust, test the waters, say a little less… or a lot less. Periods of silence are perfectly OK as we both process what is being felt in the moment. Maybe it’s difficult to trust what you feel, or what you have to say, or the way you feel you express it. It’s OK to go at your pace, to carefully unfold those feelings layer by layer without rushing into things. Again, this is your space to use in a way that supports you, I will adapt to that. As a Person Centered Counsellor I don’t direct our sessions but lean in to be guided by you. I trust that you can navigate your space in your own time, in your own way, and I am in full suport of you every step of the way.

You might have high expectations of the first session and hope to get some form of resolution right away. It can happen! I’m always slightly flawed at the magic at work when two people meet for the very first time, opening up a whole canvas of feeling and emotion, only to discover that there is already an answer within reach. A light at the end of what originally seemed like a very long tunnel, somehow already within reach… change is possible.

There is always the possibility that your first session isn’t quite that revolutionary, leaving you with a feeling of something like “is that it”? In order to change something, we have to be open to that change and it can take us time to open that possibility within us. Trust is a word that comes round often and all I can ask is that you trust in your own process and abilities. I already believe in you, but I cannot and would never force change. It will always be up to you to embrace it. The highest level of my respect will forever go out to those clients who have trusted in themselves, even through the darkest of depressions, when all hope seemed lost. Somehow they clung on to a trust in their own process… and succeeded. The power of the human spirit is amazing. You already have everything you need. I am simply a form of support and gentle guidance as you move towards a new way of being.

Or you might be thinking that we dot the i's and cross the t's. Some first Sessions with therapists are exploratory, focusing on details. In my approach and way of working, I prefer to work on our therapeutic relationship right from our very first moment of contact, flowing with whatever you have to bring, in the way you feel organically inclined to bring it.

In reality, our first session together is most likely going to be a mix of all the above. It can often be surprising how quickly we can get through the initial agreement and begin working together. Looking at the Session as a whole, maybe 3 minutes covering agreements (which are in fact, already in place before our first Counselling Session together), and then we’re talking about what brings you to Counselling, working out a picture of where you are now and where you’d like to be. For some people, the time flies, for others it feels just about right.

It can often be surprising just how much material we can get through in a single session, or how quickly a "bond" can be created between us that serves at the foundation of our future therapeutic work together.

Counselling can be a relational experience like no other and yes, it can be really special. I like to remember that your first session is YOUR first session and whatever you would like to bring, in whatever way you would like to bring it, is always the best place to start!

I advocate for not holding too tightly to expectations and leaning in to the raw experience of your first Counselling Session with me. We’re learning to be more open to the full range of our emotions and to accept them with curiosity. Please know that it’s very natural to feel nervous, and it’s OK to be excited too.

If I can do anything to help put you at ease, do please let me know.

With warmth,

James