How can Counselling in Bradford and Halifax help me?

Counselling is a form of talk therapy offering you a safe space to explore your feelings and emotions without the pressure of expectations, opinions or judgements. It is my belief that struggles and road blocks in our lives come about as a result of trying to live in alignment with beliefs, values and ideals that are not our own. In short, we fight against the tide because we’re swimming in the wrong ocean!

Something of a consistent in Counselling is that typically when a client arrives for therapy for the very first time, they are trying and hoping to move away from something. As sessions continue and the relationship of trust expands the range of what feels safe to share and safe to discuss, clients have an almost invariable shift in moving towards something. The first impulse would therefore be to rid ourselves of something which is pulling us down. The resulting effect of successful Counselling is to shift that narrative, usually expressed in terms of absolutes - “I’ll never be happy”, “I’ll never get over this”, “I’ll never be understood”, into seeing and believing in what IS possible. More often than not, these new possibilities are completely surprising as we have spent years denying or suppressing some truths which as a result of that denial, were always previously obscured to us. Counselling metaphorically opens the curtains. Alongside that comes a peaceful, more fluid way of being. It’s very hard to describe with words, but it is not unlike a loosening of that tension, a calmer more acceptant space where you feel so authentically yourself. Through the rough and the smooth, you still feel it all, but the newness of your expanded awareness allows for more accurate feeling and processing of your experience. You’re absolutely still you, perhaps more so than ever, and flowing with the current of your experience on your terms rather than fighting against trying to conform to who you are not, or who you thought you should be.

Freedom from the weight of feelings denied. Ready to face the world again but this time, there’s more of you that you’re comfortable in being and sharing with others.

How does Counselling work?

Most of our experience in life up to this point is one of conformed expectations. From the moment we are born we are radically trying to conform to the expectations of those around us, for better or worse, yearning for acceptance and connection. Our societal structure mandates that we behave in certain ways and conform to certain behaviours which are considered acceptable across the spectrum of our daily lives - from school, to work, to social gatherings. Some of these expected behaviours are good and form the basis of a safe and equitable society. Others however are completely antagonistic to our natural way of being and cause us great distress if we do not fit the descriptions of what “other” people, sometimes those in positions of power, consider “normal”. Normal to you, to me, to him, to her, to they is infinitely variable and acceptance of this, for others and for ourselves is probably the key to a much better society for all.

Imagine then, if you will, a space where none of the above applies. A meeting of much deeper psychological contact where two people are engaged in conversation where there are no expectations, no judgements, freedom to be and talk about who you REALLY are and how your REALLY feel. No consequences, no danger, no risk. This is exactly what my Counselling in Bradford and Halifax offers to you.

The beauty of being free in this exclusive space affords a kind of personality adjustment that you don’t find anywhere else. The constant, reliable, dependable, friendly, welcoming acceptance of your Counsellor builds a special kind of confidence in yourself, a belief in your TRUE self, as you want to be. As you tentatively test out aspects of your personality in the Counselling room, you feel and experience what it is like to be seen, to be truly seen, and the warmth you begin to experience towards yourself carries forward into your daily life outside of the Counselling Room.

This new found confidence in yourself enables a kind of openness to all aspects of your experience, assimilated into a person who is no longer fighting against that which doesn’t fit and more aligned with movement towards satisfaction and self directed behaviour that does fit.

What do I need to do in Counselling?

I believe that every Counsellor will have a slightly different take on the answer to this question. I’m happy to share my views here. I’d say the answer for me lies more orientated towards what you no longer need to do. Much of the success you can experience will lie in letting go of false beliefs, cognitive distortions and what we call “introjected” messages, those messages or instructions you’ve embodied from other people, but never believed in yourself. To achieve that, you simply need to believe in the process. Trust the moment of self confidence you had in yourself when you decided to start Counselling and see it through. Pursue that light you originally saw and hold onto the hope, even if every strand in your body is screaming at you to stop.

Yes, I’ve held space with clients who have found the strength to arrive at their Counselling session at the very lowest points of their experience. Sessions flooded with tears, rage, pain. I welcome you to bring your emotions, to let them out, to give them voice and space. Allowing another to see you regardless of where you are and how you feel is one the key steps to accepting a broader range of emotional experience. This is where healing begins.

As a person-centered Counsellor I’m largely non-directive, that is, I won’t make recommendations, insist on certain approaches or lead you in any particular direction without you first introducing it. That being said, human being to human being, if you decide to come to Counselling, commit to that intention, be brave, be bold, live the hurt, live the pain and flex that experience in every configuration. You’re doing the work and you’ll see the benefits, and yes, it will take time. The benefits to the rest of your life and the amazing experiences within that life will be worth it a thousand times over. It won’t feel impossible forever and I honestly believe that with commitment you will achieve. You already have it within you.

What can I come to Counselling in Bradford and Halifax for?

As a person-centered Counsellor in Bradford and Halifax I believe that each of us holds a special kind of uniqueness and any attempt to define us within rigid definitions does a disservice to our amazing gifts, personalities and achievements. A person in my view is a living, breathing, self orientating, capable and adaptable being. To that end, my basic desire is to see you as a unique individual, to understand YOUR worldview, YOUR perspective. To achieve that, I put much of myself aside as I get alongside you and together we walk through your experience, gently asking questions, unpacking and coming to better understand YOU in the ways that YOU would like to be understood.

So you may come to Counselling for Anger, Depression, Anxiety, Relationships, ADHD, Autism, Bereavement, low Self-Confidence, Communication Challenges or something I haven’t listed, and you can be sure that it is accepted as part of your experience, your person. I don’t “treat” the problem so much as help you with genuine kindness, care and attention to help you to make sense of your own experience as it is so keenly felt by you. The first impulse in all of us is to try to escape from the challenge, the difficulty, the pain, and there are approaches which offer this kind of solution. I feel that a wider view is beneficial in the sense that an opening up of awareness of emotional experience will help in all aspects of our lives now, and in the future. A more lasting and effectual change is what I believe is offered here.

I have also been trained as an “Integrative” therapist meaning that I am able to “borrow” models or approaches to therapy from other modalities which may aid your understanding or open pathways to alternative discussions and considerations which were previously hard to describe. We use these models only to gain a perspective or to shape the nature of our talking therapy and the key will always be that self exploration facilitated in the best way possible.

Next steps

The most important aspect of therapy is possibly the connection you feel with your therapist. To that end, I offer a free 15 minute chat for you to assess whether I am the right therapist for you. Nothing can beat that experience of actually talking to someone and trusting your gut reaction. My clients describe me as warm and friendly, putting them at ease right from the first encounter. Please feel free to explore whether this is the kind of experience that you’re looking for.

Further reading

You might also be interested in reading more about how my approach adapts to different presenting challenges.

Counselling for Depression in Bradford and Halifax here.

Counselling for Anger in Bradford and Halifax here.