Two Versions of Endless: Light and Heavy
What I've noticed throughout my years working as a counsellor is that contrasting emotions can exist simultaneously, even when they appear to be complete opposites. Those moments when we cry so hard it hurts, yet find ourselves happy, or when we feel we're approaching a breaking point, only to discover the strength to keep going.
Rarely do these two states become one. Instead, they continue to exist as separate, individual experiences, and yet remain very much a part of us as a whole.
Endless - The “Light” Version
This “Light” version of Endless represents the more fragile, contemplative and submissive side of that experience, where the difficulty and darkness begin to close in. A moment spent closer to the rawness of the experience itself, without necessarily feeling the will or finding the strength to push back.
It hurts. And that's human.
Endless - The “Heavy” Version
This “Heavy” version of Endless represents a more defiant expression of this experience. Pushing back against the difficult feelings. I saw this as an expression of how resilient we can be in the face of our struggles. Struggling to comprehend how we could ever cope, but then somehow finding the strength inside ourselves to just keep going.
It still hurts, but our amazing capacity to cope is what brings the brightest hope.
The Emotional Journey Behind the Song
Sometimes the quietest music carries the heaviest feelings. Sometimes the loudest music carries the greatest hope.
Endless is an original song exploring the relationship between vulnerability, emotional struggle, resilience and hope. Presented in two contrasting versions, the track explores how the same emotional experience can take on very different meanings depending on how we encounter it.
This song touches on many things. Largely I’d love for you to come to your own conclusion about what it’s trying to say. Much of my writing takes on this kind of form because I believe that an artistic expression is best experienced through your own perspective.
That being said, I felt that Endless represented something more to me personally, something more symbolic of the music that I’ve been writing and not sharing for nearly 3 decades.
Endless has an intimate kind of vulnerability but also a sense of defiance and hope.
And so the idea emerged to split the song into two versions, each representing a different emotional experience - something of the darkness and the light.
Presenting my work in this way, you get to experience something that I feel comes alive in the counselling room. That sense of us treading paths that are hard and heavy but finding those cracks of light in the darkness. Pushing through, somehow, in spite of how difficult it feels.
What genuinely surprised me during the writing and producing of this song is how much harder the lighter version hits - the weight of the vulnerability and emotion there.
When I shift across to the heavy version, I also notice how much strength there is in taking a stand against the darkest moments in our lives.
I think Endless speaks to a timeless process of becoming. Life isn’t about reaching a destination or becoming a specific version of yourself. I believe that life is about being open to understanding our experience and finding balance between the darkness and the light.
Music, Vulnerability and the Counselling Room
In my work as a counsellor, I'm often reminded that some experiences are incredibly difficult to put into words. Feelings don't always arrive neatly packaged, and sometimes people find themselves holding emotions that seem to contradict one another. There can be sadness alongside hope, vulnerability alongside strength, or a desire to keep going alongside an overwhelming sense of wanting to stop.
I think this is one of the things that makes music so powerful. It can give expression to experiences that we might struggle to explain, allowing us to connect with something emotionally without necessarily needing to understand or resolve it straight away.
The music I create draws on some of the experiences and emotional contrasts that I encounter in the counselling room. It's not intended to offer answers or tell people how they should feel. Instead, it's an opportunity to explore different aspects of the human experience, including those that can feel uncomfortable, difficult or even contradictory.
For me, Endless captures something of this. Its two versions explore contrasting emotional positions: one that feels more fragile, exposed and overwhelmed, and another that carries a sense of resistance, determination and hope. Neither necessarily cancels out the other. Both can exist within the same person, sometimes even at the same moment.
Perhaps that's something we can recognise in ourselves. We don't always have to choose between being strong and vulnerable, hopeful and despairing, or struggling and continuing. Sometimes the reality of being human is that we experience all of these things together.
Our emotional experiences are often connected to significant moments in our lives, including loss and bereavement. Grief takes many forms and can be difficult to put into words, with an emotional impact that isn't always straightforward. If you're experiencing loss and would like to explore this further, you can read more about grief counselling and how counselling can help.
There are times we don't need words to acknowledge how we’re feeling. I’ve always found music to be a safe space for my emotional exploration.
For the times when we do need words, I'm here and ready to listen. If you're interested in exploring how counselling might help, please feel free to get in touch. Together, we can begin to explore what's weighing on you and perhaps find a way to lighten the load.
If you'd just like to explore more about the different ways counselling can help us understand our experiences, you can find further reflections in my Will Counselling Help Me page.
