Count On The Relationship
Count on the Counselling Relationship.
When the boffins have gone to research what makes Counselling work, it is normally the "approach" tested that hogs all the attention… Was it CBT, Person-Centered, Psychodynamic, Emotional Freedom Technique or one of many, many other approaches that did the heavy lifting?
It might come as a bit of a surprise to learn that it is not any of the above. The most important factor in successfully therapeutic outcomes is…
The relationship between a Client, that’s YOU, and your Counsellor.
That’s why it’s so, so, so important to put the work in at the start of therapy by looking for a Counsellor who you can really trust, engage with and feel a connection with.
If you’re wondering if that might be me… firstly, I’m honoured and secondly here’s a little bit about my approach to Counselling and therapy in Bingley, Bradford and Halifax which you might find interesting.
In a history spanning nearly 200 years to date, the art of Counselling, Psychotherapy or just Therapy, has been boiled down to some pretty basic principles... two people working together to make things better for one of those people. Within the time spent together by those two people, sure, there are theories shared, knowledge applied, tried and tested, understanding gained, learning, self growth... but above all else, there is human connection and that is what does most of the heavy lifting.
I’ve come to feel that one of the biggest components of the successful Therapeutic Relationship is trust.
Trust matters a great deal because with trust, comes honesty and with honesty, comes reflection and from reflection, comes change... and let's never forget, we're here to change something! When there is trust between client and therapist, both are able to take themselves deeper into the work. Trust dispels fear and therefore trust empowers you to look underneath what may have been a sticking point in your life. You become free to explore the things that are perhaps holding you back. Essentially if you can go “there”, you might just find your answers waiting for you. After all, it's probably been something of a status quo up to this point and this is the quintessential reason why you are probably seeking therapy right now. It’s about breaking through barriers and becoming fluid enough to adapt to the change.
Thinking about some specific challenges that my clients often face, anger needs compassion, depression needs hope. Moving yourself from one painful position into another more comfortable one often requires having someone by your side throughout that process. Both client and therapist need to trust in each other in order that the process of change can take place.
There might just be a spiritual element to the Therapeutic Relationship too!
Beyond that, we could call it spiritual, we could call it humanity, we could call it warmth, love, connection, synergy, acceptance... there is no absolute answer to why the relationship matters so much, other than to say as human beings, we thrive from it. Carl Rogers, the founder of Person Centered Counselling once shared that when he was fully with his client, fully engaged in their process and feelings, somehow he became filled with what he described as “healing energy”. Whatever this innate sense was, it brought positive outcomes for his clients, they benefited from that feeling. Today we might refer to this as “relational depth” in Counselling terms. I don’t think it necessarily needs explanation or a title, but I can happily say that when I’m in the Counselling room with my clients, I often sense a deeper connection that takes us to new places, lightens the load, lifts the mood and moves my clients towards their goals. If we just allow it, somehow, it just happens. I believe it’s a combination of all of the above and it feels good.
So when we place the relationship at the heart of what we do, we place the greatest potential at the heart of what we do. I believe strongly in the healing power of relationships and many have commented on how much importance I place on growing and developing them with such love and care!
With warmth,
James